m a paramilitary operations officer and I do things no person could ever imagine, when I try to sleep at night I just stare at my ceiling for hours on end and I just wanna sleep, feel free, feel good and just be happy and sometimes i feel like the only time my head shuts the fuck up is when i'm on a bike. it's like nothing else exists, just me, the engine, and everything i'm trying so hard not to think about. i've thought about speeding, running from cops, helicopters overhead, and just disappearing into the night like nobody can reach me. i know it's dangerous, i know one bad decision can change everything, but sometimes i feel like nobody understands why i crave that feeling of being free. i spend so much time trying to act like i'm okay, worrying about losing people i love, trying to build something with AFTER DARK, trying to figure out who the fuck i'm supposed to be. i love hard, overthink everything, and keep shit to myself because i don't even know how to explain what's going on