i used to struggle with mental health a lot. i used to SH and do ketamine. i have gone without friends for my whole life. i feel like sometimes i wont ever have a best friend, and it makes me kinda sad. im 16 and im capable of being allowed to go outside and travel without having to be monitored by my parents to make sure im safe. ive been sober and clean for a year/2 years and sometimes i feel like i havent actually got anywhere mentally. i go outside, i have new hobbies, im in education, i work. i do so much with my life now but theres always some nights where i feel like ive not actually progressed. lately, after every time i fuck up doing something, or i get annoyed, i get small visuals of when i used to self harm. its like its haunting me in a way. i miss the blood, the sting of it, the slight feeling of being rewarded once i had done it, but the next day regretting my whole life. sometimes, all i want is a friend and therapy that actually works.