I don't think I'm gonna have a future. Everything sounds fucking exhausting and terrifying and my reasons for staying alive are slowly vanishing. College used to sound fun but now the idea of going sounds like a nightmare. My friends are talking to me less and less, and I don't want to start new relationships because I'm terrified they'll end badly. I don't even want to put my art out into the world anymore because I'm worried people will hate it. Death sounds awful, life sounds just as bad. I wanna live but I don't know how to go forward. I'm worried things will get worse and I'll end up doing something stupid. I want to be better but I'm terrified of the idea. I'm 17 years old and it feels unreal because 15 feels like just yesterday. I don't want to grow up. I'm missing out on so much about being a teenager and I'm so fucking sad I just want to retry everything.