I weigh myself over 10 times a day. Why is it so hard having a sick mind but not a sick body? I count every single calorie and calculate how much weight I might lose till tomorrow. I look in the mirror and disgust myself. I cry every single night to myself praying the number on the scale might go lower. I lost 10kg yet I still feel like a fat ass. I use to get horribly bullied. And maybe it did destroy me. But even if I'm "skinny" now. I dont feel happy. At all. I havent had my period in 3 months. It's been months since my digestive system properly worked. I dont remember the last time I havent shit with laxatives. Im still young. Yet my body is slowly getting weaker and I can feel it slowly breaking down. I just want all of this to end. I wanna go back. I miss when I didnt know calories. When I ate whatever. Why... What did I do to deserve this?