I'm not attractive in today's society standards, and I know that. I know I'm not pretty pretty, but I'm not hideous either. But sometimes, especially when the body dysmorphia hits the hardest, I can't even go outside without stressing about what to wear and how I look in it. It feels like all the eyes are on me, and on the worst days, i don't go outside at all. And yet I really really seek a romantic relationship. I know it's not as easy as finding someone and clicking, but I am horrible at socialising with people in the first place. I can barely say a sentence, and I'm horrible at maintaining relationships unless the other person is enthusiastic enough to text me every now and then. And yet having someone to sit with is a fantasy I allow myself to have, despite it being so far away from reality. Maybe I'll try to change. Maybe I'll become more social and start actually talking to people. Or maybe I'll be stuck like this until I decide my time has come and that I've lived enough.