I should kill myself for being such a bad person and hurting people who were innocent. I should kill myself because I can't go back in time and I was fake from the start and the law is always right for me anyway. I know who knows who. People seem to be like helicopters. People seem to have eyes in the back of their heads for what I've gotten up to. I can't forgive myself, though I've always been so impulsive. I've never felt in control of my impulses, of what I say to people online, of being so vain and narcissistic in upholding an image. I want to be free of all that, but then I've done something wrong in the past by the law and someone resents me for it, and I get the reprisal that I deserve unless I fall back and beg to my team to be saved. It's not always possible. I always thought I'd be left alone because I live in a shack and I don't bother anyone. They'd know me anyway. I can't escape. I feel like the walls are closing in this time, though it's always been like that. I'm sick.