I feel alone, tired, and scared. I have all these conflicting thoughts, and I don’t know if they’re real or if I’m just a fraud, an attention whore, a liar. Some days are worse than others, and I’m not a kid anymore, not a little-little kid. I blame myself for everything, I beat myself down internally, and I still never know the answer as to why or what the hell I’m doing. I feel all this guilt for things inside and outside of my control, I feel this grief that I’m not the same me I see in my photos, not just growing up physically, but mentally as well. I hate that I know the things I do. And then on top of that, I’m still so fucking confused. I don’t know nor understand if I’m writing this for pity, for myself, I don’t know if I’m being honest, I don’t know if I’m doing this all just for plays. I feel stupid and pathetic and that alone is for multiple reasons, including the thought that I’m just faking it all. I don’t connect, I don’t reach out, and I have zero motivation.