i hate being stuck between the desperate wishing to go back to the past and the insufferable longing for things that can only happen in the future. i miss the days of staying up all night reading fanfiction, i was tired and grumpy by morning, but at least i had something. but at the same time i desperately want a hug from my online found family, but theyre on the other side of the country. i cant see my found family older brother til im an adult. but gods, i just want to meet them, i want my siblings, i want my people. i want somewhere to go, i dont care where. i dont know if i wish i could go back or if i wish i could go forward. i just want out of here. i want out of this fucking hell, this place and time where all anyone cares about is my grades and where the closest i have to a hug from my siblings is a voice chat on discord. this place where i dont have anything to pull me through but fictional worlds and people ive not met in real life. i hate it here. someone get me out of here.