So my assumption was right, my older brothers in a pysch ward. God, why'd you give my siblings these parents who seem to care but also don't know what they're doing. I miss him so much, I might cry and that's not something I do often. God, I hate him, yet I pity and empathize with him. I wish it were me, not him. He doesn't deserve that pain, I do. I'm always such a brat to him, I hope he knows I love him. I'm such a freak. Not even my family's normal. Its hard to love yourself when every part of life is rough. I might relapse, this is just so heavy. I'm only 11. Do I truly deserve what happened?