sometimes i think it might be easier to never get into another relationship. sometimes i think i'm a bad friend and it's only a matter of time before someone tells me i'm a bad friend, and there'll be nothing i can do because i don't know if i know how to change. sometimes i think it would be better for the world that i not even try for romance. that i'm damaged goods and i'll only end up hurt or hurting someone. that it's better not to experience all the ways i can fail, all the ways i can fuck up and not be there when someone needs me. that my want to be alone or do my own thing sometimes is not worth the hassle. that i'll never fall out of love with my best friends and i'll just carry that baggage with me forever because i would rather my heart crack into splinters forever than think about leaving them. that i'm selfish and harmful and evil and loving someone with everything that i have will only lead to more pain for anyone unlucky enough to cross my orbit.