I hate to say it but I feel like I'm only valued as long as my mental health is okay. I thought that my own community, one that is built upon struggle would be more receptive and understanding of my mental health struggles especially as a abuse survivor but at the end of the day I'm begging for help drowning while others are on a yacht looking down at me. I have to save myself from this and it sucks because I am drowning. I've been drowning when I'm myself for so long that I feel like I am losing myself. I get little bouts of joy here and there within myself but outside of that I feel so alone and depressed. I can't talk shit to my boyfriend because the conversation shifts toward his issues and I'm stuck quiet or he has his own shit to worry about. I gotta take care of myself but how can I take care of myself if I am the same one who hurts themselves. I'm tired of it all.