i get so disgusted with myself and i think now its my fault but in the past i could blame it on someone else but i kind of feel reliant on it and it's gross. i think itll mess me up too and that scares me i hate my body and i used to wonder if everyone in my environment does and i think we all secretly to some level hate ourselves and im starting to think everyone here is miserable ive tried a few times to hurt myself because i feel ashamed or angry the first times i tried i couldnt draw blood but i have a few times since then and its kind of like this sense of pride or accomplishment idk there's alos this girl and its my fault too but i think shes starting to make me uncomfortable and i dont know how to say no she's also going through things and i think saying no would just make thinsg worse for her i miss my real best friend i have other friends now i guess but i miss her soso much she just loves her stupid boyfriend