i’m such a loser. i’ve had depression since i was 9-10 years old i’m fucking pushing 18 now it doesn’t get better and i’m tired of the lies and me lying to myself. sure sometimes i’ll feel like everything is fine, “oh i finally beat it!” then it hits like a truck. i learned that depression is not something that leaves you, it will always stay with you like gum on your shoe, then it will hit you like a truck when you least expect it, maybe it is possible to get rid of this mental illness but not for me. i’m severely isolated aswell, i have 1 friend that i’m not even slightly close to in school. and online friends but i’m having urges to ghost them all i know they see me as annoying and weird anyway. Also because of my isolation (and prolly absent father) i catch feelings so easily like ew? what’s wrong with me i feel so disgusted with myself i’m such a fucking weirdo. i don’t wanna live anymore tbh. i see death as the ultimate peace and i want that for all etenrity