I loathe everyone in my life. it's pathetic how I think I could find better. I feel so annoyed, I tried to hard to keep my calm. In my head, I've been through "so much." I seem so forget how i'm not the only person in the world whose father died. I loathe myself in that sense. I think I could find better, that there is someone out there who could actually love me. But my friends are right, who could ever love a loser like me? my mother was right! I am expendable, no one will remember after I die. my life is pointless. I should just run away, and I hope they are other people I can leech off. I can't believe I actually thought I was special or some shit like that. I am pathetic. I am stupid, and should probably kill myself, save people the hassle. I wish I wasn't so naive and thought there was actually someone. I feel so lonely. I can sit for hours in a room and no one will talk to me. I just want to run away, to a place that only exists in my head.