my mother pisses me off sometimes... like I get you can be angry but why must you take it out on me. she's fucked up the way I work and honestly I have difficulty believing anyone could ever love me because of her. she can apologize all she wants but i just can't believe it anymore. how are you supposed to forgive someone for a mistake they'll keep making? she once called me expendable and honestly I believe her. I believe every terrible thing she says to me. I know I can be replaced easily. otherwise, why did everyone leave? I know I must be fucked up in some crazy way, and that although I don't understand why; I am terrible. I can't tell anyone because they'll realize just how pathetic I am and leave. I need them stay. I am nothing without my loved ones, even though I know they're all settling for less. I starve myself so someone will notice! I feel like i'm actively rotting and not even the people tthat should care, care.