For my entire life I've felt alone and hopeless to varying degrees, but this year has been the worst. It feels like everything in this world is designed to beat me down and humiliate me, I can't look in mirrors or see my own shadow without my day being ruined, without screaming and crying for hours into my pillow until my throat rips apart. I'm a hideous abomination and i'm fucking stupid as hell too i have no talents or passions and i'm too old to be like this. I very rarely see anyone my age and when i do they're infinitely more successful or talented or beautiful than i could ever be. I can't even form a coherent sentence or speak loud enough for people to hear. Every single aspect of life terrifies me, i live in constant fear of the world outside my room, like my brain is absolutely certain that i will die before 30. I'm going to be killed or die in a freak accident and i will die as i lived- crying as my hopes and dreams are crushed right in front of me. It's never been more over.