I haven’t felt human in months or probably years. Days, weeks, months feel like they’re being blurred into one big fuck that I have to live through. I don’t recognize myself anymore, shit I don’t even know who I am or what I am. Even then I still feel so fucking lonely and it’s by my own doing, I want to be around people and I want to connect but it’s like I can’t physically allow myself to do that. I think I feel the most lonely when I’m out, I went to a show a few days ago and I felt so fucking out of it. I was high but I still thought I’d be able to enjoy myself. I felt the energy there but It was almost as if it was washing right past me in waves, just avoiding me. Sometimes I don’t feel anything at all even though I know it’s there. I think the worst thing out of anything is that I can’t remember anything, and it’s haunting me. It makes me want to cry but I can’t even do that, I haven’t cried in months. I look back at old text messages trying to remember but it makes it all worse