Chronic pain + the depression it causes is genuinely crushing me. I stay in bed because it hurts to do anything and my body punishes me more for it. I can't stand it. This body hates me. This body wants me to suffer and rot. And the depression? God. I feel useless. I feel disgusting. I'm not, I know that I'm not, that I'm just dealing with a flare up and have limited mobility but STILL. I feel like a waste of space, a burden on everyone I know. I can't even pass the potatoes at dinner without wincing in pain. I hate it. I hate myself, or at least THIS part of myself. I wish it would just go away. I can't even wish this pain on my worst enemy because it's THAT bad. This body wants me to rot but what comes from rot? Growth. I'll bloom into someone beautiful. At least, that's what I tell myself. That this too shall pass and I'll be better. Sure, that mainly just means waiting for surgery but...I can survive that. I survived 24 years with this pain. I can last a few more months.