Honestly I’m trying my hardest to rebuild my relationship with someone I’ve been dating for 8 to 9 years now, throughout our relationship they have cheated, abused me and neglected me, I even was originally their rebound relationship.. to be honest I don’t blame their cruelty, I was a year and a half older, we were both queer and their dad was abusing them but, I cannot lie even if right now we are good and we are married, I can’t bring myself to trust them, I resent them a little, they changed yes but so slowly and I had to support them the entire time because I wanted them, I want them, but even if their progress is there, it’s too small for my wounded heart, I fear I’m becoming the abuser by being reactive. I cannot ever tell if I’m being deceived with him or anything like that, I want to stay with him but we got together so young too I wonder if I’m not putting all my eggs in one basket, our life goals are different.. I want to eventually adopt kids, he doesn’t want kids. idk