I don't want to be trans. I wish I were still secure in being cisgendered. I wish I never had that random thought of wanting to dress like a woman. I don't want to do all the hard work of transitioning. I'm not strong enough. I don't love myself enough. I'm too lazy. I've always been too lazy to do the hard things that are good for me. I would half-ass it and give up halfway through and be stuck as a dude with boobs and hate myself even more. Not to mention all the other people out there, all the bigots and transphobes, who would start hating me, too. I'm not capable of doing it. I want all of this uncertainty to go away, all of this desire to change myself or start HRT to go away. I just want to go back. I wasn't always happy, before, but at least it was familiar and safe. I just want to go back...