I hate the fact that i tend to constantly spiral. I hate this AuDHD fucking brain. I hate being AroAceflux and wish I had a consistent libido I wish I didn't feel iffy on the idea of CNC roleplay with my spouse, but the moment its a particular fictional man I want to r*pe me over and over again til I break. And being more ok with strangers on the internet saying disgusting things to me on chat rooms Or when I actually want to be intimate its hard for me to actually look at my spouse because of the AUDHD but brains okay with the idea of being mounted in a wall and f*cked over and over again by random strangers And God forbid I am horny, and wires cross, and every once and a while have an intrusive thought I'd never even THINK of doing to someone/something