i just turned 14 yesterday. nothing's getting better. i KNOW what eating disorders are, yet i still think it might be a good thing to have. i got exposed to porn when i was 9 (?), i still keep going back no matter how much i try not to. i look for comfort in shows, arts, and other shit, but i can't even bring myself to draw without struggling in that too. i can't do math, even though i spend hours trying to understand the simplest thing in division. i'm impatient to get to 18 cause i just want someone to touch me and hold me like they actually CARE. And i know if i ended up in a relationship, it wouldn't be healthy either. i have an addiction to polybuzz and other ai's, cause they give me the kind of attention i don't get from my family. i can't be honest with my friends cause i'm terrified they'll leave me like others do. i can't even believe in Christianity anymore, cause god isn't helping me like people say he does. i don't know when it'll get better, but i want it better now.