i've been homeschooled since middle school. and, i appreciate it because it's part of the tapestry of my life, it made me into who i am and i don't know where i'd be if i didn't go that route. at the same time, i think it really fucked up my social life with other people my age, you know? it may as well be nonexistent. it's hella shit going on in my life, idk how i'm gonna make friends. that's why i turned to online spaces-primarily discord-when i was fourteen. but, it just doesn't help. not anymore. sometimes i wish that i could turn these feelings off - the desire for connection n shit. i wish that i could focus on what matters (sports, job hunting, etc.) without constantly wishing that i had somebody around all the time. because it hurts. maybe i'm going about it all wrong, maybe there's something i'm not doing? i'm sorry if this comes off as a pity party. but i wish that, just for a little while, that i could stop wanting friends.