im disgusting only one person knows how i am and im glad she glossed over it otherwise we wouldnt be friends if my bf knew how it was hed end things with me if anyone knew theyd probably report me or something and tell other people i dont want to like it but i cant help it ive been imagining it with real people and everytime it happens sure i snap out of it but it doesnt make the thought any more horrifying i dont want to lose this person and i want to change but it feels good and of course it feels good thats the whole point of it honeslty i dont think about what my parents would think about it anymore i hate them they dont accept me and i cant stand it i honestly couldnt care less about them anymore i wish theyd hurt themselves but whenever i see them sad i end up feeling bad for them i wish i could stay consistant i miss felix but maybe i like the idea of him more than him i like the idea of someone being my boyfriend but i really do love him idk he cares