im sorry how rambling this is but where i am in my life right now is so embarassing.. im 19 and behind in highschool but ive also been homeschooled my whole life so im almost constantly at home unless its for work which is only down the road. i only have my permit but my parents recently bought me an e bike to get to work because it would be cheaper then me getting my license and being put on the insurance. i dont know what i want to do. ive never truly known what i wanted. as a kid it was because the world felt so big and that i had so many choices but now im here and i feel like nothing will ever be good enough. my older siblings worry about me they know that i want to not be home anymore. our parents are catholic and ive been playing catholic since the age of 12. my sister offers her home i i ever needed it but i dont like her fiance. and id rather die then live with him. i have no look to the future i just dissociate through life beside my online life where i have friends.