I wish i didn't have to try so hard, I wish i didnt have to wake up every day having to starve myself to feel like im actually liked. every day i look in the mirror and just think im fucking ugly, fat, gross, undesirable. always trying to compete with other people, wanting strangers to look at me the way they look at others. Its infurating. and i just stay quiet about it cause who gives a fuck? do they wanna hear me tell them im envious of your looks and that i think im ugly all the time? no course not why would they wanna hear such bullshit. i wish i didnt care. i wish i didnt have to try to hard to be happy, to feel like i am desired. Days where i feel like i dont wanna eat cause itll just make me fat, and i try to bring my personality out more but at the end of the day, they're looking at me and i feel thats all that matters anymore, people can be fucking cunts but oh if they look attractive it doesn't matter. Why do i spend all my time trying to impress people when i get nothin