I'm so scared of the future. I'm scared I'll hurt the ones I'll love, that I won't amount to anything, that going to college was only an excuse to stay alive longer. Now I have something to live for and I feel so unprepared. I can't go to sleep without thinking that one day I'll lose my parents and my siblings. I just pray that I won't be the one to see everyone die first. And what if I don't succeed as an adult? What if I'm left homeless, without a connection to my family? My partner wants kids too, but I'm afraid of raising them. Babies crying scares me. What if I fuck them up? What if I fuck everything up? How did my parents survive raising us? Life doesn't come with a plan and it terrifies me—I need to know what's happening, but I just can't. That's not how it works. I just entered my twenties, but my childhood already feels so far away. I'm not ready for anything.