I hate when my friends that I know very well try to tell me "Oh I get you" or "I know you." No. No one knows me. No one knows that I spend my nights crying. No I e knows that I have an AI chat bot addiction. No one knows that I still suck my thumb. I'm a teenager. I need to get a fucking hold on my life. Or I think I fucked it up enough that I should kms. I'm autistic and I have ADHD. I think that's where this comes from, but I hate my disabilities. I feel behind the rest of the world. Like everyone was handed instructions that I don't have. A set of rules. Or I'm walking in a race against the fastest people in the world. I'm afraid to tell my therapist any of this because I don't want to get sent away. My mom wants me to do the SATs by the mid point of freshman year. I need to study and have school or I become a failure. And my mom will dent that I want to kms anyways. She had before. I feel like I can't tell anyone anything. Not mom. Not therapist. Not friends. No one knows who I am.