When I was so young, like still in early elementary school, I found out about porn and suggestive shit way too early, and no one was able to help me make sense of it, and of my feelings, and when I did bring it up, I was in trouble and became the bad kid for it, so I built up so much shame in myself , my thoughts, my body. I was convinced people could read my thoughts if they stood next to me long enough, mostly because at night I’d have sexual fantasties and shit like that. I used to draw naked woman’s bodies and circle the boobs and vagina lol and then hide it away, and also ofc on sims I used to custom make the characters naked and take pictures of them doing naked shit. I was such a pervert, but it was because no one told me what I was feeling and what was happening so I kept everything my shameful secret. I hate unrestricted internet access as a kid. Now I have such complicated feelings around sex and I feel shame & fear around it. I wish I had a normal childhood. I feel scared.