i had an issue with my mother again today. the only person who knew how bad it was, was my ex. i miss her, not really though, i just desperately need someone to talk to about this and she was the only one who provided me comfort. i know logically i shouldnt want to cross paths again, and wont reach out most likely, and i kinda hope she doesnt either, but i cant help but miss the fact it felt like someone was constantly with me, with her, i always did things to keep me productive. but now shes gone, and suddenly my extreme procrastination comes back. i dont really miss her, but i do. she was toxic, but she did her best to understand me, even though she was damaged herself and couldnt feel safe opening up. she wont see this, but if she does, i hope she doesnt find out who it is. everytime i see pink tulips or laufey or beadabadobee i still think of her, even caramel oat milk matcha. i really need to get over her, logically, i know i need to move on and i am trying my best. it's just hard