I'm not boy crazy. I just need a crush to think about 24/7 so the thoughts don't overwhelm me. I can't tell my friends that. Theyll tell my mom and she'll gaslight me into thinking I don't have those thoughts. I'm never actually going to kill myself. I just need to vent. When I get rejected or find out someone has a partner that I like, it doesn't just hurt my heart. It hurts my wrist. It feels like I did something wrong because I'm too fucked up. And there goes an outlet. My only thing to think about. I relapse. And I wish I could tell my friends that why I'm so upset when guys I like reject me.
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