I can't stop crying when I think about my siblings. I'm the oldest, and I feel so mean sometimes, and I don't think I can fix it even though I try. I feel so sorry for my brother, even though he had a better childhood than me, more freedom, and my parents never pressured him like they did me. He has a better relationship with my mom, but in my eyes, he's still just a poor little kid. I feel like I share so much with him, and that's what hurts the most. But when I tell him I don't respect anyone in this family, he doesn't listen. He says I'm crazy and heartless, like everyone else says. My sister is still too young to decide anything, but I feel guilty about her too. She always tells me not to leave, and I ask her if she'll miss me, but she says what my mom said that I can't go away alone. And then I feel hurt again, and terrible guilt. It's like thoise one Marina song "And when we're in the dark it aches in your heart,and when you're far away it begins me to stay"