I hate being a mom. i hate that i was forced into this even thought i made it clear i didn't want children. I know its not my kids fault and she deserves a mom who will actually love her and cherish her instead of barely liking the endless amounts of screaming and sleepless nights. "Oh its all worth it to see their smile!" its not god fucking shut up its not. i feel crushing guilt because ITS NOT HER FAULT!! she doesn't mean to make me feel like this, she's just being a normal kid. it's me. im the problem, and my doctors won't help me. "just go on this 2 year waiting list to be evaluated and MAYBE you'll get help" FUCK OFFF I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF IF I DON'T GET SUPPORT. I hate not being able to be a person anymore, i hate not showering or changing my clothes for weeks because i don't have the time, i hate her and its wrong!!! maybe if i write her a letter she'll understand one day and won't blame herself, because if i keep living then she'll suffer because of it.