i lie to my doctors. i even lied at my appointment today. every time they ask, "have you felt down, depressed, or suicidal in the past few days" i have always said "nope." but im LYING. i have never been diagnosed with depression because ive lied about it for years. i lie, because i know if my mom ever knew how i feel she would just CRY. she would just cry. and i feel like a dickhead for saying it but the thought of her crying over that makes me so unbelievably angry it makes me sick. she also told me she doesnt believe in therapy. so ive never even been able to talk to anyone about any of my probelms. i have so many things i want to talk about to a therapist, but this will have to do. i just cry alone all the time. and im surrounded by so many people but i still feel so alone. i love all my friends but sometimes i wonder if they really love me back. everything about someone saying they actually love and care about me feels forced. i want to break my lying cycle. i want to get better.