it feels like everyone is just better off wothout me. my friends knly find use out kf me for rodes, they constantly make joles about how im fat or trans or hispanic and as much as i excuse them they start to weigh on a person like i get it im fat but its like thags all they see of me, i feel unloveable and fundamentally broken. my sewerslidal thoughts have come back but im too much of a pussy to actually do anything but ive also started cutting more recently which is so embarrassing and i make jokes anout it but its like even cutting isnt doing the trick and i just need to rip my self to shreds, im so tired of being here like i dont want to kill myself i just wish i was never here in the first place because honestly things would be so much better, my parents wpuldnt be broke, my friends wouldnt have some sad sack of a friend and nothing would change. ive controbuted nothing and continue to contribute nothing tk this world