I hate my brain. It makes the scariest and stupidest shit up all the time. I can go from having a good day to feeling like the ugliest excuse for a human being ever. I'm not as bad as I was before. I used to be suicidal and had horrible intrusive thoughts. But now I'm dealing with body dysphoria and what feels like the end of the world. I don't know how some people can go about their day with such ignorant bliss. Maybe it's privalged for me to say I wish I didn't have to but some days I feel totally paralyzed and alone. No one finds me attractive, if they do they don't say anything. I don't like makeup and my dysphoria feels me my body looks do disproportionate and it could never look good. I hate myself so much. I hate that I can't think like a normal person, I hate that I have the awareness that this isn't good for me and yet I can't get out of it. I'm so FUCKING TIRED of waking up every day and having these fuckass highs and lows. IM TIRED. Why do I live like this?