I go to a good uni. I have a decent internship slated. I have friends, lead clubs, and do interesting things which other people have fun with. I am also internally fucking miserable. I spend my time slaving away at classes and work and job applications and doing things that I don't have a natural talent in (maths) and feeling stupid because I'm competing with people who are in the top of their fields. I see other people clubbing and going on road trips and enjoying a vacation or hobby and I want to do the same, but whenever I have time off of work, it's like I've forgotten how to have fun. I think about things that I'd want to do to relax, what my soul would like, and it's like thinking about a hard math problem: there's a wall, and nothing comes to mind. Sometimes I question the point of all this. However, fortunately or unfortunately, I'm a coward. I'll posit suicide but never actually act on it because I know technically I have much to lose, even though it feels like nothing.