I don't know honestly. I just don't know what's wrong with me. My friends and family don't seem to hate me. Yet I always feel it. No matter what. They could be hugging me kissing me or anything yet my heart would still ache as though they don't really. And I have been struggling with such dark thoughts for a while now. Yet I never feel safe to talk about it with anyone. I feel totally useless and worthless every time I can't do a task or something of the sorts. It could be as mundane as greeting someone. I feel horrible if I don't do it as right as I want to. Yet I never seem to do so. Everyone knows me as the Happy go lucky friend. So to go and break the facade by revealing such dark thoughts scares me... Will they hate me? Will they not want to talk to me? What if they tell others? I ask myself. So I never do. And now it's just been a constant struggle to find myself and the courage to do something about this. Word count is being reached now so I'll just end it here. I'm not happy.