I am lonely , i mean like my family does care about me, as they should, I care about them too, but I have this feeling I want to care about someone from outside, through my whole life till now I had like 5-6 friends , other people who can easily talk and have confidence can have 5-6 new friendships in a year, anyway, the last friend of mine (been friends for 5 yrs).. I am not sure If we ever ended things? Like she ghosts me irl and online..so..lucky she can block someone talking infront of her, she knew I had no friends but her, she have other friends outside schl, I don't, she said something like 'oh..so I am being unfaithful to you..?' was she pitying me? idk maybe , like no I don't want you to feel bad for having other people than me , like good for you?, it's gonna be last year of schl for me , and maybe I will sit alone and I hope not , and I hope it will be someone else and not her if I am not gonna sit alone :-/