I just wish i was dead, and yes i hate saying that, but i feel like i have too. Im tired of being an outsider, getting treated ugly, ignored for no reason. I have had zero true friends my entire life, never even hung out with a friend because they always make excuses. Me and my family struggle financially too, having a run down 2 door car that is hard for me to get into, and we cant afford a regular house so got a trailer and our neighbors bother us and scare us, its just too much to deal with. I deal with physical health problems, mental health problems including ocd, autism,anxiety, depression, ptsd. Another thing is i wish i was 12 years old again, im 18 now and i feel so depressed and disconnected from myself, like who am i? and now the thing that bothers me most is how, y'know im a good affectionate girl, but yet i have been heartbroken so many times, and ill be honest it did mess me up a little. I just want myself back and my love happiness. there is this one boy he'll heal me