1 year since i cut off an online friend who i knew since 2017, we went through so much together. he had just recently thanked me for being there for him and believing in him when he was an angry isolated person like me. we shared so much, including our original characters. he would flirt/sexually engage me when i was high+drunk. id already ask him many times while sober not to engage me because i cant say no and just go along bc i have been groomed so many times online and irl. he had a partner and would still do it. he would fetishize my trauma via ageplay. im trans (AFAB) and he knew it would make me feel validated if he called me stuff like "good boy" or "little boy". id blame myself for it all the time and feel nauseous and feel like i "made" him cheat and that i cheated on my bf. i was SCARED to talk to him eventually, and after ignoring him for a few months, i finally wrote out my feelings and that i cant be around him even if he changed because i dont feel safe I miss him. :S