i want to fucking kill myself. i will never life a life that i want. my childhood is gone. i dont want to live in my own home. living is fucking torture. i dream of suddenly becoming bedridden and having other people take care of me. i dont care if my last moments are spent in a hospital with no friends, family, whatever. i just want to be taken care of. i dont want to exert any effort to live. fuck the dishes. fuck studying to get a "career". fuck making dinner everyday. fuck taking showers. fuck finding hobbies. i wish i was never born. i want to rot in my bed till the end of time, watching reality tv or something. i wish i was in my 87th year of my life, living my last moments. i hate everyone around me and the two people im living for betray me every day. i ahte my lufe