im just so tired. ive been wanting to off myself for the past few years, and i dont think i can keep going anymore. it has gotten so much worse lately, even though i finally thought i was getting better. it doesnt help that ive had everything planned and ready for years. up until this point, i have forced myself to try and stay for the people in my life, so i wouldnt leave them alone or traumatize them (some of them are young), even though theyve always been assholes and dont really care about me (at least thats what i have always felt). when i try to speak up about what im feeling or how im feeling because of them, they always brush me off or tell me how spoiled and whiny im acting. now, the urge to off myself has gotten even worse, because i feel like i want to prove to them how bad i was getting, and that i wasnt pretending or being dramatic. i dont know what to do. i keep trying to talk myself out of it, but this time, i genuinely cant.