Where did the time go when sir/madam was earned?

My life is fucking shit toxic family, everyday fights & arguments, school life is shit, my diseases make my life dark shit I feel like I am a sex doll with no value only insult and torture

I HATE MY LIFE!!! WHY DO I HAVE TO LIVE IN FEAR? WHY DO I HAVE TO BE POOR? WHY DOES MY LIFE HAS TO BE SO HARD?!?!?! WHY???? WHY DO PEOPLE HATE ME? AND APPARENTLY THE UNIVERSE SEEMS TO HATE ME AS WELL!!!! I HATE THAT MY FAMILY HAS TO SUFFER BECAUSE OF HOW SHITTY OUR LIFE IS! I HATE HOW UNTALENTED I AM! I HATE THAT I NEED TO BE THE BEST WHERE I KNOW I DON’T LIKE!! LOOOOORD! PLEASE!! MAKE ME FEEL YOUR LOVE!! PLEASE IF THERE IS SOMETHING THAT IS REALLY DIVINE PLEASE HELP ME OUT! TOUCH THE HEARTS OF THE PEOPLE THAT SURROUND ME! PLEASE TELL THEM TO BE KIND! TELL THEM TO BE GENTLE! TELL THEM I NEED THEIR HELP! BUT I NEED THEM TO BE KIND! I NEED THEM TO HELP ME PLEASE!! I’M BEGGING YOU! HELP ME!!