I saw a picture of myself from 5 years ago today. I was thin. I thought I was obese. I was barely chubby. Today I am obese. I gave up on myself because I thought I’d never be thin and I already was. I wasted my youth thinking I was fat. I gave up on myself in my 20s and now I’m going to spend my 30s trying to lose the weight I gained. The weight I always thought I had but never actually did until recently. I wasted my life. I will probably be forty by the time I am a decent weight again. I ruined myself. I will never get my youth back. I put off living my life out of fear of being judged for being fat and I wasn’t even fat. I wish I knew why I have always felt disgusted with how I look but instead I just have to live with the regret of the choices I’ve made because my mind lied to me about how bad I thought I looked.