hello. i don’t even know how to describe it honestly, its somewhat a frustration with myself. ive had some bas experiences with other people and it made me the way i am, i want to fix myself but its not easy. its like i cant control it, i start doubting myself and the people i swore i trust them. i hate this and i hate myself for this because it feels like itll only make me lose the people that i deeply care about. i don’t know what to do or how to fix myself, its been going on for years and even though sometimes i do feel healed, there are other times where i cant control what i think or what i do and it results in arguments. it hurts so much every time it hurts more and more and I’m more afraid of losing them. i wish i knew what to do or how to fix my past or how to forget or even not care about what happened. i want to be normal and be happy again. i feel like i havent been truly and honestly happy in years, but again do i even know what happiness is at this point?