I have a best friend. He is genuinely my favourite person. His last best friend died by suicide, and he says I helped him find meaning in life again after that happened. We met after he was already dead. But sometimes he looks at me, or talks to me, and I can tell, that he doesn't really see me. He just sees this guy. And I'm not him, I'm never going to be him, and it's tearing me apart. I just wanna scream, that I'm my own person. But I can't ever ever ever fucking tell him. He already struggles to talk about his feelings. I can't make that worse. I just can't do it. So I need to be strong and pretend like I don't know he just sees him.
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