I wish I had someone to talk to. I know it wouldn’t change anything but I just wish I didn’t have to carry so much by myself. I just feel so horrified at the thought of telling someone what’s going on with me and having whatever I say change their perspective of me. I always try to act like I’m okay but I never have been. I just think about talking to someone and watching their face change and they start to worry for me or pity me or feel empathetic and I hate all of it. I don’t want to talk to the open air, I want to talk to a real person but I can’t bring myself to be emotional in front of anyone. There had even been times where someone assumed things that were true and I denied it out of fear of opening up. I just want to connect with someone real and I don’t want them to say anything or react and try to comfort me I just want them to know and understand my feelings deeply without a response and I know that’s just impossible to ask.