I know he forgives me, I know they all do. But when my mom keeps telling me theres something wrong with me when I push her, a part of me breaks again. Ive done everything to get better. No matter how much I mangle myself will i ever feel like it's enough. They all know. The people who hate me can tell the type of person I am, and all they need is that confirmation. Even though he still insists he wants to remain friends, no matter how much people say ima genuinely good person, i'll always feel like once they know who i truly am i lose them. Theres no point to it, everyone will always beat me out no matter what I do. They'll be good at their thing and ill be good at making everything worse. I know they're lying when they say they love me. They only love what they know. I was raised in a household where fear was the only thing known, why should they trust me know? I don't even deserve to make progress. I don't understand why they insist so much.