i miss being chronically online, because back then i actually had friends to talk to that cared about me. i’m disappointed in myself for being unable to make ONLINE friends, because i get such bad social anxiety. i miss having someone to talk to, someone to spend my time with, someone to listen to and they’d listen back. i want someone to care for me and check up on me, not just because i have a concerning status, but because they genuinely care about me and don’t want me to feel alone. and even still, if i do manage to make a couple of friends, who’s to say they’ll last forever? i’m selfish, i know i am. but i want my friends to care about me and the jealousy i get when they interact with their other friends just sucks. i don’t want to be jealous, but i really can’t help it. i want to become better, i really do. but i’ve struggled so much and currently still am. it’s no reason why my ex hates me and sent me death threats. i want someone to see how much i’m struggling and to help me.